To be or not to be?
Published by Apricot 3 years, 8 months ago in MiscellaneousCan anyone really be friends after dating? It’s just hard to go backwards. KP has annoyed me by calling me every day since Wednesday. I feel if I was friends with him, I would be because in the back of my mind I would hope that he would change his mind about me. I know there is absolutely no chance of that happening. I mean, I gave him 3 months to figure that one out. I shouldn’t waste anymore time. Maybe if I was dating someone seriously, I would be fine with being friends. But how long is that going to take? I like to think I don’t have feelings for him right now, but maybe I am confused. I guess I am terrified of them coming back. He hurt my feelings once, and I will not be around for the second time. I shouldn’t have to explain that to him.
Being friendly, that’s fine. But he insisted that I hang out with him on Saturday. I declined by text message around 11pm. If I had hung out with him on Saturday at a bar with his friends, I would have flirted with every guy at that bar plus KP’s friends. Just to prove a point. Would I want him to do that to me? Absolutely not. So that makes me a good person, right?
I’m tempted to wonder what is behind his actions. What is he really thinking? Is he just playing with me? Does he love the fact that I was more into him than he was into me? I’ll never know and I refuse to waste any time overanalyzing (one of my new year’s resolutions). So I’m moving on and declining any Saturday plans with KP that involves spirits.
I think you are doing the right thing.
This is one of those things that really depends on the person. I know people who can easily be friends with ex’s or people they’ve dated immediately or not too long after the “breakup”. I don’t tend to do this….and if I even get in touch with any category of former “mate”….it tends to be at least a year or more. So, it depends on you.
I think b/c no matter what (esp. this recent) that the thought of, “could we get back together” will come forth and then someone’s feelings risk getting hurt. Maybe he DOES really want to be friends, that’s fine, but if you need some more space, you should get it. If he really wants to be friends…he’ll wait and still be available for friendship whenever.
His actions might be as simple as — he thinks that you are really cool and maybe made a mistake, he needed space to think, he’s lonely or he’s just needy.
Whatever it is…..and how easily obsessive it is to try to figure out his actions….you movingon and declining invites is the right thing for you. I’d do the same! Rock on, girl.
Apricot - I definitely think that you have the correct attitude. I am semi-friends with an ex, but that came after I started moving forward with my life and decided, quite firmly, that I would never, ever be with him again. If you still have feelings, even those of competition or an “I’ll show him” attitude, it is probably just best to steer clear of him. Especially, when you are so raw.
Oh and over analyzing just leads to premature signs of aging and it really is good that you are trying to avoid it
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