Date & Dish

Don’t you think dating is a vicious cycle? After dusting myself off from the German guy thing, I decided to get back in the dating pool. I’m never going to meet someone great if I don’t put myself out there, right? Unlike Paul, I don’t have much confidence that it would happen for me offline. So I signed up for three different online dating sites and went to work.

I went out with a guy that I’d chatted with for a few weeks, before I ran into German guy again and before my subscription ran out a few weeks ago. We got along really well over IM and chatted a few times a week. When we met, it was…okay. We had good conversation but there just wasn’t any connection. I could tell, and part of me wonders if he could tell too, because we’ve continued to chat but he hasn’t asked me out again. And I’m all for equality in dating but he actually suggested that we split the bill when it came, rather than allow me to offer half after he at least made an effort to pay. I don’t know if that’s because he approaches dates that way or because he just wasn’t feeling it with me either.

A few days later I went to lunch with the Vegetarian. I’d never really thought about it, but I don’t know if I could date a vegetarian long-term. I mean, of course I’d get over it if the love of my life happened to shun meat and fish, but it’s kinda like dating someone with a pot belly or with a gas-guzzling Hummer or something…I’d just rather not go there if I don’t have to. Lunch was fine. We got along very well…he was incredibly nice. But again…no spark. And at one point during lunch I mentioned the place where my ex works, and he said he knew my ex (although he did not of course know that my ex was my ex…you following me?). I asked how he knew him and he said that one of his friends dated him. I raised an eyebrow and said, “Oh really? Who?” And the Vegetarian told me about this friend of his who I had actually met once through my ex. It was just a weird small world moment. I never heard from the Vegetarian again after lunch, and I never contacted him to thank him for lunch. Oh well.

I began exchanging e-mails with a really nice, smart guy who I winked at first. He’s in grad school, so let’s call him the Student. His first e-mail to me honestly kind of blew me away. He picked up on so many things in my profile and was able to speak about some of my interests in a way that was so refreshing and that really stood out from the crowd. We exchanged several e-mails which grew longer and longer in length, and when we finally spoke on the phone, we talked for over two hours. You may remember that I am the girl who hates talking on the phone with people I do not know. But the conversation with this guy was just great. So we set a date to meet, and it went great! I had a prior commitment so our first date was cut short, but I had so much fun I invited him to meet up with me and some of my friends later in the week. To make a long story short, since then, we’ve seen each other several times, and I have a dilemma.

The Student likes me too much. He’s waaaay too into me. It’s very obvious that what he wants is a serious relationship, and he wants it with me, right now. To be honest, I want a serious relationship too, but I’m just not feeling it with him. But you know, I could maybe feel it with him if his overzealousness didn’t turn me off and push me away.

Overall, he’s a great guy. Fantastic, even. He’s got a big heart. He’s ready to love. He’s smart and literate and well-travelled, and the physical connection is wonderful. He thinks I’m beautiful and amazing, just the way I am. He’s seen me with smudged mascara and baseball hat hair and he still thinks I’m the bee’s knees.

I guess it’s because of this that he does things that…well…have begun to annoy me.

For example, when he helps me put my coat on, he also removes my hair from beneath the back of my coat. I’m sorry, but I can do that myself! He tries to feed me. In public. And I’m not talking dessert…I’m talking everything from mussels to seaweed salad. I know how to use a fork and knife, and I’m not too shabby with chopsticks, either. He’s a big fan of PDA, and I’m not talking holding hands and pecks on the lips…I’m talking nuzzle-nuzzle, mouth-around-my-ear and tongue-making-an-appearance PDA. I’m very open-minded and very affectionate, but that’s just not my style, you know?

He invited me to an out of town event with him and his friends the weekend of Thanksgiving. When I stalled on committing to make the drive, he proposed an alternative that would only be a daytrip to a nearby college town. To be honest, I don’t know if I can commit to seeing him that far from now. And because I feel that way, I feel that I need to break things off with him.

How do you tell someone you don’t want to see them because they like you too much? We’ve had the conversations where I’ve told him I’m seeing other people, and I’m not ready for a relationship yet (although I left off the “with you” part), and he’s responded with the “why on earth do you want to see other people?” bit, because of course he thinks he’s found the love of his life. (Okay, maybe I exaggerate a tad, but you know what I mean.)

He’s such a great guy. He’s done wonderful things for me, all because he does like me so much. Everything he’s ever done (even the really annoying stuff) has been from the bottom of his heart.

But it’s just too much for me. Aargh!

He’s out of town this weekend, so I get a reprieve. Due to our schedules next week, we probably won’t see each other until next weekend, so that gives me over a week to come up with the right words to say. I’m usually pretty good at breaking things off with people, but this one has really got me stumped.

Meanwhile, HH (remember him?) wants to get together for coffee next week. I really think I’ve just made a friend in him.

And I went out with a new guy, the Writer, who I had a great time with. But I’m days late in responding to his last e-mail.

So many men, so little time.

And I’m avoiding another guy who sounded great online and in e-mail, but when I talked to him on the phone, he totally said all the wrong things. But I had already told him I’d go out with him. So now what? I have been playing “screen my calls.”

Oh! I almost forgot. I went speed dating too! I’ll have to write about that separately because it was an interesting experience. But if anyone has any advice on how to handle the Student, feel free to share. Please!