2 months + overanalyzing =confusion
Published by Apricot 3 years, 10 months ago in MiscellaneousI wanted to be strong and make a “graceful exit” like Friday. I know that baggage can be a huge question mark and that possibly there will never be an answer. I’m not sure if I don’t have enough will power or if I have problems believing that there WILL be another guy. Despite the fact that I have zero faith in guys, I want to believe in KP. I want him to be different from every guy that’s ever dissapointed me. Because I feel I’ve waiting long enough. I can’t even tell anyone what’s going on, because I have no idea. I think that it may be too early to have a serious conversation. I am trying to be patient, and that’s all I can do. It’s driving me insane.
There’s so much confusion and sometimes I’m okay with it. That’s all part of the mystery, right? I’m female and we tend to overanalyze, overthink and get overly emotional. About what? Stuff that I’m pretty sure I’ve made up in my head. It’s so easy to get carried away when you click this well with someone. I’m so afraid that I’ll screw everything up like I always do and everything will come tumbling down. It’s the fear. At any moment he could change his mind. Why would I think that? Actually, I know why, and mostly it doesn’t have much to do with KP, but it has something to do with KP. I can sense some uncertainty, maybe caution from him. But I feel the same way and it’s the fear of something real. I haven’t had too many long relationships for a reason. I can freak out, have commitment phobia or risk aversion (aren’t they all the same thing?). Uncertainty is in every relationship, sometimes it’s a slight tremor and sometimes it’s more of an earthquake.
The good news is that I’m making a serious effort to see other people. It helps with the constant worrying and the what ifs? I like to think the odds of getting hurt have been cut in half (that’s what I keep telling myself, anyway). The weird thing is, despite the confusion I’m happy. I’m excited about a new boy that I am meeting on Friday and I’m happy with the way I’ve handled this so far.
Oh Apricot!! So elusive, yet I think I get the picture.
Being someone who would probably also “not want to mess anything up”….is this….
You just need to be you.
It’s as simple as that. If something happens where “you mess it up”, then if he’s the right guy, I would like to think that you could talk about it, apologize and explain and it would be ok. People mess up when they lie, cheat or steal. Don’t think that you being you would cause someone to not like you.
I have to believe that someone who wants to be with you, will love you flaws, mistakes and all.
I think there would have to be some really bad thing you did to mess things up. Lately, in my final dating escapades of late, I realized that maybe the guy “messed up” b/c he did something that really turned me off….yet, if I had really liked him, I would’ve probably let it go or given him another shot. The fact that I didn’t, tells me it wasn’t meant to be.
I think that it’s great you are still meeting & dating other people. Good on you! I look forward to hearing what happens when you are at will to discuss!!!!
Anyway, hope this makes sense……..be you.
Lost said, “Lately, in my final dating escapades of late, I realized that maybe the guy “messed up” b/c he did something that really turned me off….yet, if I had really liked him, I would’ve probably let it go or given him another shot. The fact that I didn’t, tells me it wasn’t meant to be.”
Yes! I totally agree. Lately I’ve seen someone who does things that turn me off. But if, say, German guy did the same things, I probably would have thought they were cute because I was so into him.
I am learning that you’re either into someone or you’re just not. It goes both ways. I’m realizing that German guy probably wasn’t as into me as I was into him. And that’s okay. Apricot, maybe you and KP just aren’t in the same place at the same time. That’s really okay, because someday you (and us all!) will find someone who’s really into you, and you’re really into him, and it will just be right and you will KNOW it.
And to echo Lost, just be you. You are wonderful and you really deserve to be with someone who sweeps you off your feet…someone who makes you totally forget that worry about “screwing up.” Doesn’t that sound nice?