Date & Dish

It’s been several days since I met up with German guy last week, so I’ve had time to get a little distance from it all. I guess the smoke has cleared. I’ll get into how I’m feeling in a bit, but first I want to let you know how it went last week.

We met at a local café. It was nice to see him, and I always loved the way he smiled when he saw me. (sigh) We ordered drinks and bowls of soup, and we chit-chatted about this and that. It was fine, fun even, and I tried really hard not to let my forthcoming message put a damper on our small talk.

At some point, I took a deep breath and said, “Well, there’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”

He repositioned himself in his chair and said, “I kinda figured you did.”

I basically told him what I planned to tell him. I said it seemed like bad timing, and maybe if things were to change in the future, we could try again. I told him that the last time we saw each other, our goodbye seemed bittersweet, and I didn’t want it to be like that every time we hung out. I told him that nothing changed about the way I felt about him, but I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to continue hanging out. I wished him the best, saying that I hoped he was able to work things out in a way that made him happy, and that I hoped he would soon be at peace with it all since it seemed to be kind of complicated and stressful.

He totally understood. He said he thought that this was coming sooner or later. Apparently he still doesn’t know what’s going to happen with him and his ex, but the fact that he’s so confused about it is enough for me, you know? He looked really disappointed…somber, even…and he took my hand in his and held it tight in silence, occasionally bringing my hand to his mouth to deliberately kiss it.

He said he wondered if he had done something wrong. When I asked him what he thought he could have done wrong, he told me that he wondered if he should have known that this would happen…that the issue with his ex would eventually lead to this. I said, “How could you have known?” and told him that I didn’t think that he had done anything wrong. And his honesty with me about it all was very much appreciated, and it actually made me like him that much more.

We agreed that this didn’t mean we would never speak again. I told him I was still willing to help him with some business that we had discussed previously. He said that he would like to keep in touch, and maybe we could meet for coffee sometime. I told him that I was open to keeping in touch, but I would trust him to determine what’s appropriate based on what’s going on with his life.

I told him that I didn’t want either of us to have any negative feelings about anything, and I wanted us to be in a good place with each other.

We said goodbye, hugging for a long, long time. To me, it felt like a pretty final goodbye. I didn’t think I would hear from him again. I guess I kind of thought we might check in during the holidays, or around birthdays, to say hi and wish each other well. Perhaps I’d hear from him before he went back to Germany for good.

Well, one night later, he sent me an e-mail with a link to a video we had discussed at the café. I read it right before going to bed and didn’t really know how to respond, so I didn’t. I was honestly really surprised to hear from him so soon. I was even more surprised when, less than 10 hours later, he IM’d me during the day at work — something he didn’t even do when we were seeing each other.

[NOTE: Insert passage of time here. I jumped on my IM program to check my history with him, and guess who I immediately got a message from? Yep. But I’ll get there in a moment.]

Anyway, the conversation the other day at work was really just small talk. How you doin’, how’s your day going, stuff like that. That really was about it. Again, I was surprised to hear from him, and honestly pretty freaking confused. I mean, why did he want to communicate with me so soon? What was he trying to do? Did he have motives? What did he want?

Ugh.

Anyway, after that exchange, I realized more than ever that I am so not involved with him…not while he’s still got someone else in the picture. A friend of mine asked me today if I could just casually date him and other people while he figured his crap out. The short answer is no. He and I didn’t connect in a casual dating way. We never really had a chance to see what it would be like to truly be dating, like in a relationship, but if we were going to continue seeing each other, I know I would not feel comfortable with him seeing someone else or considering exclusively seeing someone else rather than seeing me. I’m guessing he would feel the same way, but I could be wrong. It’s hard to explain, but things with him were just different from the start.

So the last few days have found me renewing my subscriptions to three online dating sites, signing up for a speed dating event, and recommitting myself to being available to whatever comes my way.

That brings me to tonight, when I just got an IM from German guy.

Again, it was small talk, but he addressed me as “flower,” which probably sounds really cheesy on paper but coming from him before I broke things off…it always sounded really sweet to me. Anyway, it was small talk. We talked about the business thing I am still willing to help him with, and he said he wanted to drop something off at my office tomorrow. I thought it was a document that he’s wrapping up, but then he said he would e-mail that to me tonight. So I asked him what it was…was it the earrings I had left at his place a while ago? Or was I not supposed to know what it was that he was bringing by?

He finally spilled the beans. He got me a parking pass to the complex where he works. This probably sounds funny, but we had talked about it a while ago, and when I mentioned how cool it was that he got free parking (I’ve had to pay for parking there several times…shopping, dinner and a movie will do it) — he said he would try to get me a parking pass. Of course, I didn’t expect him to even think about a parking pass after the recent changes in our relationship, but whaddya know…he got me one anyway.

So this puts my head in a bit of a tizzy, trying to overanalyze the situation as usual. Apparently he has been thinking about me. He wanted to surprise me with something nice. He is still being really sweet despite the circumstances, which could otherwise be awkward.

Aargh. Aargh! What sucks is that I was actually missing him a lot today. I actually could not stop thinking about him earlier. I even told a friend that I was feeling weak and thought about contacting him although I did not plan to actually do that.

And now, I am going to see him again.

Aargh!

In other news, I am meeting a new guy on Wednesday. We’ve chatted for several weeks via e-mail and IM. He seems really nice and fun and I’m sure we’ll get along well, although I’m not sure what kind of connection we’ll have.

And I have exchanged a few e-mails with someone who really impressed me. He’s into one of my favorite hobbies, asked me questions in French, quoted my favorite poet (who most people have never heard of), and asked me if I’d like to meet for coffee next weekend.

Sweet.

I never, ever thought I’d actually find an appropriate time to pull this movie quote out, but it really is true: Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.