Date & Dish

Hello?  Is anyone dating anymore?

I’ve got 5 more months left on my year off from dating.  I’m glad I did this and I’m learning a lot.  Besides I’m getting so much done!  Recording an album, getting my house ready to sell, going on trips, looking for a new job.  Yep all major stuff.  So I wouldn’t have time for a woman anyway.

I’m deathly bored at work so whoever is out there write about it.  I’m waiting.

Cheers,
Paul

I knew with my track record this would happen eventually.  I knew I should have been wary with anything or anyone that appeared perfect.  The problem is that I still don’t know what isn’t perfect about Spencer.

I was cautious about Spencer at first, but before I knew it I realized I really liked him.  I learned that I can’t really date for fun.  I either don’t like them or I fall hard and I’m not talking about the stairs.  I can’t seem to find a middle ground.

You know how you can be on cloud nine after a date with someone you like?  I didn’t get that last Sunday.  We’ve spent enough time together to know that I like him, but not enough for him not to slip away without an explanation.  He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to disapear, but I’ve always been suprised by the ones that do.

The date Sunday was going along perfectly, and we were walking hand in hand along Highland Ave when he casually mentions that he will be out of town for the next 3 weeks.  Like it was no big deal.  Like he didn’t care.  It sounded to me like the classic “I’m going to be really busy” release line.  I couldn’t believe it. I don’t understand how you go from hot to cold so fast.  I always immediately think of the uncertainty phase in dating, but with me, most guys don’t bounce back.  Maybe I DID read him wrong, and maybe he really will be out of town for three weeks.  When he dropped me off at my apartment, he didn’t walk me to the door and he didn’t act like he wanted to kiss me.  So that pretty much confirmed the sinking feeling.  Maybe he did have that Country Boy fear of public affection, but I’m tired of analyzing everything.  I’m tired of the fresh beginnings but the usual endings.

So I’m going to take a break from dating and learn how to function without male attention for a while.

In the beginning, some guys are perfect.  I know it has to end sometime. It might be tomorrow or a month from now. Until then, I’ll enjoy it while I can.

Spencer invited me to hang out with his buddies on Friday night.  I declined, but suggested we hang out on Sunday so he wouldn’t accuse me of playing hard to get again. I’ve had some good dates, but I think this one is as close to perfect as you can get.

He invited me over to his condo which has an incredible view of the Atlanta skyline.  He whipped up some homemade guacamole and showed off his culinary skills.  We paused for a minute to watch the sunset.  We then headed down to the courtyard to grill out pork tenderloin. He somehow snuck some candles in while we were eating dinner.  Spencer has a major Type A personality and this is the first time I have found it adorable.  After dinner we brought out the binoculars so we could participate in some “Peeping Tom” activities since there are two hotels next to his condo.  Alas, it was not meant to be that night.  He is one of those guys as Carrie said in “Sex and the City”, “I don’t remember exactly what he looks like, all I remember is how he made me feel.”

I just got an e-mail from Spencer about an hour ago.  I had a little sigh of relief.  It had barely been 48 hours and I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t heard from him or why he wasn’t thinking about me at that moment.  So when did I go from “just having a good time” to being completely psycho? When will I learn that I can’t control my feelings and I need to appreciate the fact that things are perfect right now?  Will I ever learn?

At this point, I’m not taking dating too seriously right now.  I had a date this evening with a guy I’ll call Spencer (with a little help from my bff from Memphis).  Spencer as in “The Hills” reality show on MTV.  THIS Spencer is not incredibly annoying nor has really big teeth.  He does however, seem to have an unreasonable amount of money, blond hair, very young (6 years younger than me), is from Southern Cal and is super smooth.  He’s so cute and I think I like him.  He’s smart, too. Someone who knows a lot about wine?   He’s so over my head.  I really think he would be better off dating some hot 20 year old chick.  We had a 4 hour date which never happens for me.  It’s still early and I haven’t even had a chance to sleep on it. He texted me before I got home and I’m suprised I am not completely annoyed.  We met at a bar after Opening Day.  I’m sure this one will work out.

I don’t really feel like writing every detail of the dates with “Patrick” (since we met on St. Patty’s Day).  I liked him, conversation flowed fine.  He had a good job.  He was obviously very smart. He’s funny. He came up with some really creative dates, which I appreciated.  He’s over six feet tall (guys under 5′9 LOVE me).  There was nothing wrong with him.  Yet I couldn’t bring myself to call him back for a third date.  This isn’t the first time it’s happened this year.  It just makes me really sad.  I feel bad for him and for me.

I know I don’t have to like everyone. When I have chemistry on the first date and annoyed on the second, that’s when I get worried.  I want to take a break from dating so I can figure out what is wrong with me.  But I’m not sure if taking a break will provide any insight on why I haven’t liked the last 6 guys I’ve gone out with.  I like them.  Interested in a relationship?  No.  I could suggest being friends, but I simply don’t have the energy.  I know what I want.  I know when he comes along he is not going to fit the “picture” I have of him right now.  Hopefully this doesn’t mean since I clicked with one guy already this year, it should be another year until I click with someone else.  ***Sigh*** I just feel like everyone meets, falls in love and gets married like it’s so easy.  It’s not easy for me.  That is why I’m so frustrated.  Lately it’s been really hard for me to be happy for anyone who announces an engagement or a pregnancy.  I don’t want to be one of those bitter people.

So Country Boy is back.  He was my new obsession for a week.  He’s got that Johnny Depp mysterious/sexy/quiet/anti-social vibe going for him.  We have no emotional connection whatsoever.  It kills me.  Because he seems like such a great guy.  Our personalities don’t click and I can’t change that, ever. We always manage to have a good time.  What cracks me up is he thinks we are dating.  He’ll call me randomly, ask what I’m doing and when I tell him I’m on my way to a date or something, he’ll get mad.  Awww. He’s not very smart.  Two dates in a time span of 4 months do not a-dating make.  The attention is nice.  I’ll be eagerly waiting my third date sometime in August.

I don’t understand how I got here. All I want is someone to tell me that all of this pain and suffering isn’t for nothing.  I wish that I could just snap my fingers and I wouldn’t like KP anymore.  That I wouldn’t overanalyze everything he says.  That I wouldn’t wish that he is going to reconsider.  I want….someone to come along and make me forget all about KP.  I wish I could snap my fingers and I didn’t care about what he says to me, how he feels or what his actions are.  I know that he is a terribly screwed up individual and I want to save everyone.  I know I can’t save everyone.  But I want to.  I feel like any normal emotionally stable girl that dated a guy for 3 months 4 months ago wouldn’t like him anymore.  She wouldn’t care.  I’ve gone out with 18 guys in the last 12 month period.  I’m tired.  I’m lucky this is the only guy who hurt my feelings. I KNOW that the only reasonable thing to do is cut it off completely.  I also feel like I should be able to control how I feel against someone who treats me like this.  I woke up one day and realized he kept hurting my feelings and yet I kept running back for more.  Isn’t it horrible that one of my friends had to point out to me that he makes sad?  I couldn’t believe I never realized that until she said something.  I wanted closure and I’ve got it now. Finally.

Hello! My dating sabbatical is going great. It’s quite liberating.

Recently I met a woman I’d love to get to know better. The question is, how do I do this and maintain my dating hiatus? Is it possible? Do I tell her of my dating sabbatical? Do I be honest and say I’d like to get to know you better because I think you’re cool? But I’m not going to date.

In a few weeks a friend is hosting a party for a company he’s starting. He invited me and I’d love to invite this woman. Would that be considered a date? Some say yes.

This woman I’m interested in was over at my house last night. I hosted a singles event through my church. (Brief aside, I’ve stumbled on the absolute best, most relaxed way to meet women. By hosting this group there are at least 4 to 5 women I want to meet every gathering. Now before you judge me let me say that is not the sole purpose of this group. I priority is for everyone to connect and make new friends. This just happens to be an added bonus.)

What is considered a date? Where is the line between getting to know someone and a “date?”

Tomorrow will mark 3 months into my sabbatical and I don’t want to give up.

Well, my friends, you can probably tell from the title of this post what I’m about to tell you. Yep…things are over with The Reader. I wish I could explain what happened, but I honestly do not have a clear understanding of what exactly went wrong. I suppose that’s par for the course though.

I know that The Reader might, well, read this. But I don’t care. It’s so beyond over with him that I have nothing to lose at this point.

I really liked The Reader. I believe The Reader really liked me. I think things started to get “real” and suddenly everything changed. I honestly do not know if The Reader is confused, or trying to play games with me, or all of the above, but regardless, it’s really disappointing. I didn’t think that things with The Reader would end up this way.

Basically, I believe that The Reader pursued me, and won me, and then didn’t know what to do with me. He asked me to go away with him, and asked me weeks in advance to hang out on Valentine’s Day with him, and did all the things that you would expect a guy to do when he likes you. When I told him someone at work had asked me if I was single, and I didn’t know how to respond, he and I discussed the fact that we were kind of in an in-between area…not really dating but not really not dating. You know what I mean. We were in limbo, and I was sensitive to the fact that he was just out of a serious relationship, but we were enjoying the time we spent together. He treated me well, and I felt like we respected each other and were able to be open with each other.

After we had a pretty serious talk about some past relationship stuff, and about some of the stuff he was dealing with, I felt like things changed. I asked him if he wanted to just focus on being friends, or continue dating me but see other people, or what…I told him to just let me know what he wanted things to be like. He said we didn’t have to decide right then. I felt like he was conflicted and a bit anxious, but that was understandable given the circumstances.

I expected that we would continue to see each other after that talk, but then he started acting really weird to me. He would make plans with me and then cancel, or I just wouldn’t hear from him at all, or I would get a text the next day. I think I saw things going downhill when he came over and made an offhand comment that I found kind of rude, that made me take a step back…I sensed that the way he viewed me had changed in a pretty serious way. Early on, before we were even dating, we discussed the fact that we both think we’re catches…I think I’m awesome and he thinks he’s awesome. We talked about wanting to be with people who think we’re catches and who will treat us that way. I think he used to treat me like he thought I was great, and when he stopped treating me that way, I knew I needed to exit stage left.

I cancelled plans we had made after a string of signs that pointed to trouble, saying that I felt like things had gotten weird. At first, his reaction was that he understood where I was coming from but he was disappointed that things turned out that way. Later, he seemed confused by it, so I gave him a pretty detailed explanation, pointing out (in italics since this was over e-mail, which — given his affinity for texting — I felt was more than appropriate) that it all came down to the way he had been treating me since we had the serious talk. I simply didn’t have the patience for it. His response gave illness and work as reasons for cancelling on our plans, which I can totally understand, but I don’t think he understood that I had picked up on something else…like the comment he made that took me by surprise and other signs that he just wasn’t feeling it anymore. He said he never wanted to be exclusive with me and had said that every time we spoke about it, and he didn’t mean to lead me on. Um, we only talked about the exclusivity issue once, and that was after we had the serious talk that started everything going downhill, and even then, when I asked him specifically if he wanted to see other people and still date me, or focus on being friends, or what, he had said we didn’t need to decide right then. I even mentioned at the beginning of that fateful talk that we had never talked about exclusivity…I was well aware of it. So him saying that he had said that every time we spoke of the matter was a little odd to me.

Besides, and I told him this, I wasn’t upset because he didn’t want to be exclusive with me. It was how he treated me that made me realize that it wasn’t going to work out. I’m all about being open and honest, and if someone doesn’t want to be serious, hey…that’s fine. Just be honest with me. Don’t play games with me or try to push me to the point of breaking things off with you if that’s what you really want. I don’t have time for that, I don’t have the patience for that, and I have better things to do with my time than try to figure out guys who either don’t know what they really want or are incapable of communicating it to me…or even incapable of communicating that they don’t know what they really want. Heck…we’re not always clearheaded and totally collected about where we are in life, and that’s okay. But at least be able to express that that’s where you are, and then tell me what you want from me.

I think the moral of this story is that actions speak louder than words. At the beginning, The Reader’s actions were honestly a little surprising. I was taken aback by his approach and his manner, and by the way he treated me like he thought I was special. It was really unexpected from someone who had just gotten out of a relationship. I didn’t want to be the rebound girl, so I was cautious. And in the end, The Reader’s actions signaled to me that things were very different to him than they were in the beginning, so I wasn’t going to wait around and continue to be treated like I’m less than awesome. Because I am awesome, and someday I will meet a guy who can handle my awesomeness, and we will make beautiful music together.

So with that, we close the book on The Reader. I would like to remain friends with him, but right now I kind of feel like he has no desire to talk to me or see me at all. I asked him to let me know when we could meet up, because I still have some of his stuff. And I also got him a gift for Valentine’s Day that he’s welcome to have if he wants it…it’s a book that I thought he would really enjoy. But he hasn’t responded to that at all, so I guess I’ll send the book back.

Sigh.

If you’re reading this, Reader, I think you’re a good guy, and I hope you enjoy whatever it is you want to be doing with yourself right now. I wish you the best!